Five Things Not to Say to Someone with a Mental Illness
This article is directed to people with loved ones or friends who do have a mental illness or to people with little knowledge on the topic, but of course anyone can read it. I want to help reduce the stigma around mental illness by helping everyone know what to say about it or in this case, what not to say.
1. “Have you tried exercising?”
What I mean:
For those of us with mental illness, this seems obvious but if you don’t I’d like to make you aware. When someone first realizes their mental illness, the first thing they read is to exercise. When they go to a doctor or talk to friends, the first thing they are told to do is exercise. For some people, it doesn’t even help.
Why you shouldn’t say it:
In general, it’s annoying and depending on how one says it can be downright disrespectful.
2. “You need to try to be more positive/motivated.”
What I mean:
When people have depression or anxiety, it can be challenging to keep their lives together. Things start falling apart and it feels like there’s nothing they can do or there’s literally no will to do anything. Sometimes, it looks like a person’s pretending to be depressed to other people our like it’s not as bad as they say it is or even that they’re stopping themselves for doing the important things.
Why you shouldn’t say this:
To many, this can feel like an outright slap in the face. Depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses are sicknesses. Just like one can’t end a fever by telling it to go away, a person with mental illness can’t tell themselves to be more positive.
3. “Your mental illness is the work of the devil.”
What I mean:
Instead of crediting an illness to a more scientific or logical reasoning, some people argue that mental illness is the result of Satan. However, there are many reasons that are unrelated including but not limited to, trauma, personality, genetics, a bad situation, and another illness or medication all together. Also, people that say this are ignoring that there can be positive outcomes to overcoming mental illness such as, mental grit or stronger empathy. “Work of the devil” doesn’t have a single positive outcome.
Why you shouldn’t say this:
I had someone tell me that my anxiety attack was a result of Satan and him interfering with my life. To me, it felt like this person just didn’t believe what I was going through, like my diagnosis wasn’t even real. To others, they might think that something is wrong with them because the devil has a hold of them when in reality, there’s most likely reason for their illness.
4. “Why don’t/do you take meds?”
What I mean:
An individual makes a personal decision to take medication. People on both sides become angry for their choice before even knowing who they are and what their story is.
Why you shouldn’t say this:
Frankly, it’s none of your business. If you’re worried about someone, there are better ways to bring up a topic that don’t involve verbally attacking someone.
5. “I know exactly how you feel” or “bless your heart.”
What I mean:
Here, I am specifically referring to when a person who has never had a mental illness, tells this to a person with mental illness who is opening up to them.
Why you shouldn’t say this:
Unless you have experienced an emotionally negative situation, you probably haven’t felt what this person feels. You may have experienced a similar emotion or feeling but not exactly the same.
Conclusion
Every person is their own individual so some emotions are purely subjective. If you or someone you know is in need of treatment for a mental illness, do not hesitate to contact one of these hotlines at the beginning of my Terms, Conditions, & Disclaimers page. There are many ways to get help and know that no matter what your choice you are not alone.
