For the Christian Girl Doubting Her Faith

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Introduction

A new month and a weird season in all of our lives have brought upon an idea for a blog series called, you guessed it, For the Christian Girl. Each of these posts is going to be filled with research, resources, controversy, and my humble opinion (backed by the research of course). I realized that there are so many things I want to read about relating to being a Christian woman, but every time I search for information the only things that pop up are dating advice, information about having a “meek and gentle spirit,” being a Proverbs 31 woman, and why self-care is or isn’t selfish. Most of these articles also repeat the same, repackaged, uninformed information so they’re not much help for the people actually asking these questions in the first place. As a woman, I know that these aren’t our only questions, either. If they were, I doubt I would have them.

However, I know there are plenty of other Christian women looking for answers in a world that ignores our most pressing questions. I’m going to honest, vulnerable, and share all perspectives relating to the topics to the best of my ability. None of these will be completely unbiased, but that’s impossible. Sometimes, I may be a little too blunt with my words, but a blunt, dull sword is better than no sword at all, and, right now, we don’t have a sword. Ignoring unanswered questions isn’t an option if we want to think for ourselves. Bowing our heads to injustice only functions to hold our focus on the ground instead of the sky and the world around us. Keeping the peace merely serves to placate our minds, rather than making change for our sanity, safety, and salvation (not just the religious kind).

What is Doubt? Does it Actually Mean Anything?

That’s why this week I’m going to start at the crux of all our disbelief and questions, doubt. Those of us who have grown up in the church know how dangerous it can be. Those in power are afraid of losing power or changing tradition (whether they realize it or not) and doubt is the beginning of revolution. Doubt can lead to beautiful transformation and profound restoration if we persevere through the chaos it might, first, lead to. It’s a spark that when properly fanned has the power to become a roaring fire and playing with fire isn’t advised. The reason for that is because doubt can also lead to a drought at the end of the fire. What represents the start of an abundant harvest for most can lead to the devastating death of faith for some. Although, playing with actual fire is ill-advised for our own safety, so please don’t play with literal fire. Within the church, doubt became associated with the beginning of the end, instead of the beginning of new growth. Doubt has become so taboo that most people are publicly shamed, criticized, or ignored after confessing their doubt, if they’re lucky. In more extreme cases, admitting one’s doubt can lead to a subtle form of excommunication that, in reality, couldn’t be shouting any louder.

Before I continue, I should clarify that there are different kinds of doubt. Rachel Held Evans wrote a great blog post that will explain the difference between healthy (good) doubt and harmful (bad) doubt. What I mean by this is that healthy doubt will inevitably lead to a stronger relationship with God (this usually looks like doubt in certain concepts, stories, generally accepted beliefs, or character traits of God in Christianity while still retaining belief in the idea that God is out there somewhere) and harmful doubt (this usually looks more like doubt in God’s existence or is more of a result of resentment for people who claim to be His followers/the church as a whole) will lead to a separation from Christianity (temporary or permanent). However, doubt is different for everyone and this is just a generalization that I’ve noticed in myself and others. The concept of two major kinds of doubt still rings true regardless of how we as individuals experience it.

If you aren’t convinced on the whole doubt as the beginning of a revolution thing, here’s a story. In the last couple hundred of years, France has had many revolutions, but the one most of us think of started with a mob of women led and protected by the beloved Marquis de Lafayette. According to Jone Johnson Lewis of ThoughtCo, “The Women’s March on Versailles in October 1789 is often credited with forcing the royal court and family to move from the traditional seat of government in Versailles to Paris, a major and early turning point in the French Revolution.” The women didn’t stop with convincing Louis XVI to say he would move back to Paris, they accompanied him and his family the whole entire carriage ride from Versailles to Paris (at least 14 miles) to prevent him from turning back or his wife from convincing him otherwise. It all started with a doubt, “Maybe, the royal family shouldn’t live in Versailles.” Yes, they were poor, desperate, and starving, but that little doubt of the government’s wisdom in moving the royal family eventually turned into women grabbing knives, swords, and muskets to prepare for a march. In 1789, women who worked in the marketplace decided to grab weapons and march for food. Their doubt led to women who could no longer be contained by others’ surprisingly flimsy expectations for them. That’s a little scandalous. Imagine what would happen within the church if women decided to listen to their doubts, honor them, and advocate for godly change. Wouldn’t that be considered a little scandalous, too? I think it would be more than scandalous, though; I think it could end with lasting, radical change,

Should All Doubt be Taboo Within the Church?

In order to show both opinions, honestly, I will be including as many reliable sources for both sides as I can find.

Side One: All Doubt=Taboo

This is what we most commonly see in the church. Because harmful doubt is associated with people leaving Christianity, the church wants to prevent that by removing all doubt from the situation. However, this often leads to more people leaving Christianity because they feel blocked from the people who claim to love them as themselves and should according to the Bible (Galatians 5:14). Anyways, removing all doubt also removes the opportunity for healthy doubt and change without controversy and scandal.

Upon doing more research, I have noticed that most people have outwardly accepted that doubt is a part of most Christians’ faith. The reasons why I’m saying outwardly is because people on this side also view doubt as a struggle to be extinguished before the spark can catch, instead of a necessary stepping stone and, also, because one says that most Christians experience doubt doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t shame others for their incessant doubting (I’ve seen it too much in my life, stories, and other people’s experiences to ignore this reality). So let me start over.

Side One B: All Doubt=Struggle

Most articles on this side will also discuss doubt as a sin and/or the result of sin, in addition to being a struggle, but not completely taboo (again, outwardly). Michael Patton in The Gospel Coalition writes when referring to doubt as a result of sin, “Often this is the first place Christians go with a loved one in the crisis of doubt, in large part because it helps us put doubt into a discernible box. It also helps us to find a quick solution. “Oh, you’re doubting your faith? Okay, quit sinning! Next?” Obviously, doubt is often more complicated.” I really appreciate that he mentions doubt is a lot more complicated than a simple solution. While he doesn’t address it point blank, the type of doubt he’s referring to (and most others on this side) is harmful doubt. Most people don’t realize that there’s an important distinction to be made.

Let’s go to the bible for a second. In John 20: 24-29, we read a story that takes place after Jesus’ resurrection. All of the disciples, except Thomas have seen Jesus in person. Until Thomas actually sees Jesus, he doubts the validity of Jesus’ resurrection. In response, Jesus says, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” It seems to make a pretty clear statement about doubt. In fact it’s so clear, that Thomas is, now, referred to as doubting Thomas. However, this verse is only referring to harmful doubt. If we hadn’t realized there are two kinds of doubt, then it seems like all doubt should be considered a struggle and/or sin. It’s also important to appreciate that Jesus didn’t cast out Thomas, shame him, or ignore him (it seems silly even writing about Jesus doing those things). He asked a question, made a short statement, and loved Thomas as much as He had before his doubt, very different than many Christian’s responses today.

Side 2: Healthy Doubt=Essential

In this article, what I have been referring to as harmful doubt is called, “unbelief.” It honestly doesn’t matter what we call it as long as we understand that healthy doubt is not sinful or a struggle. To dig a little deeper into healthy doubt, there are three main signs of it, according to Rachel Held Evans: obedience, humility, and love. Regardless of where the roots of our doubts lie or what exactly we are doubting, if we still live in obedience to God with humility and love, we are still living according to God’s word. There is no specific command that says, “Thou shalt not doubt!” Assuming our motivation for our doubts and actions are to honor God the best we can, then it is essential to our relationship with Him. Yes, our doubts can be a way for us to honor God.

For example, let’s talk about slavery in America. If we fast forward from the beginning in 1619 to the (unofficial) end in 1865 (here’s a timeline if you want), we’d notice that there were some people, abolitionists, who doubted the legitimacy of slavery backed by the bible. Abolitionists believed that treating humans as terribly as American citizens were treating slaves was wrong because it was not based in love. No matter how many flimsy arguments with biblical support for slavery were made, there were always more celebrating freedom through Jesus Christ. It took abolitionists’ doubt of the accepted ‘biblical’ beliefs to begin finding their own and eventually fight for the freedom of enslaved people. Looking back on it now, it seems obvious that slavery and the accompanying racism that followed it are very wrong on so many levels. However, there was a time when (for some reason) it wasn’t. Doubt was necessary for the revolution (in this case Civil War and Civil Rights Movement) to begin. Abolitionists were also looked down on, shamed, and ignored for their doubts; don’t let others’ actions make you believe your doubts are wrong because that is not always the case, sister.

Three Significant Biblical Examples of Doubt

1. Job
   • An example of harmful doubt as a result of pride
   • Job went through a lot of really terrible things. Some highlights include his whole entire family being murdered along with his livestock (AKA his job), becoming so sick he thought he would die, and his friends turning on him saying that his suffering was a result of his sin (even though he had done nothing wrong).
   • Side Note: If you feel like Job and think you know suffering a little too well, you can find some extra encouragement here.
   • He cried out to God for help but God was taking His sweet time to come through. Job never doubted God’s existence as shown by him continuing to cry out to God. Instead, Job doubted God’s ability to provide deliverance. It makes perfect sense that Job would do so because he had been waiting for so long for answers and saving, but this kind of doubt is harmful to faith. Why? Because he assumed to know more than God when praying about how his life had worked out, suggesting that God was no longer watching over him (Job 29), that God was no longer in control.
   • At the end of the book, God goes on a long rant asking Job if he can do things like spin the earth or start the day. Job obviously cannot and realizes he spoke in pride before because he, “uttered what [he] did not understand, things too wonderful for [him], which [he] did not know,” (Job 42:3).
2. Jonah
   • An example of harmful doubt as the cause of direct disobedience to God
   • Jonah was told by God to go to Ninevah to be a missionary in an “evil” place (Jonah 1;1). Instead of listening, he doubts God’s plans/ability to take care of him and acts on those fears. That is key. He flees to another city by boat. Part way through the journey, there’s a massive storm and the other people on the ship literally throw him off when they find out he disobeyed God. The storm stopped.
   • Oh, yeah, Jonah was swallowed by a fish and lived there for three days and nights (Jonah 1:17). Jonah prays and says he’ll go where God wants him to from the belly of the fish, which then brings him to Ninevah (makes sense).
   • Shortly after Jonah arrived, Ninevah repents and turns to God so He doesn’t destroy them. Yay!
   • So, the next time you doubt God and disobey him, be prepared to nearly die and live in a fish for three days.
3. Naomi
   • An example of healthy doubt that led to a happy ending and stronger relationship with God
   • In the book of Ruth, Naomi is usually known for one thing, her bitterness. That’s not really a great thing to be known for, but in her defense, her husband and her sons died leaving her unable to provide for her daughters-in-law and making them childless widows.
   • In Ruth 1:13b Naomi even says to her daughters-in-law, “Things are far more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord Himself has raised His fist against me.” Talk about doubting God’s love for oneself (this is different than Job’s doubt because she was not claiming to know better than God, just that He “has raised His fist against [her]”).
   • I’m sure you know the rest of the story. Ruth picks up leftover grain, listens when Naomi tells her to get dressed up and lay at her cousin’s feet (that’s not weird at all), and it ends with a grandchild in the lineage of Jesus, Himself. I think she realized that the Lord had not raised His fist against her after all because He delivered her from famine, provided with family to take care of her in old age, and even gave her a grandchild(-in-law?).

The Chronically Doubting Christian Girl

Hi! It’s nice to meet you. You may know I have a couple of chronic illnesses. One of them just happens to be chronic doubt. Ba-dum-tshh. I’m one of those people who likes to overthink, analyze, and understand the meaning behind everything. Spoiler alert: that’s not always possible. Having seen and/or experienced a lot of the more negative things the church is known for, I also have a coping mechanism, doubt. Sometimes, it’s healthy doubt and, sometimes, it’s been the result of resentment for things that I have seen the church do or that church members–Christians–have done to me. For a long time, I resented the fact that God let His children behave how they do and that God even called some really awful people His children (or, at the very least, lets others consider them to be His children). It caused me to doubt, well, everything. I couldn’t deny that God was real, but I didn’t want to love a God that let so much evil and brokenness to exist in His kingdom (or, at the very least, what others consider to be part of His kingdom) and in the world, in general. If you’re in that same place I was in, I highly recommend reading Rachel Held Evans’ memoir, Evolving in Monkeytown/Faith Unraveled (it has had two different titles). It helped me to see how doubt could be the beginning of something beautiful, rather than the end of something evil. Another amazing book that has shown me that not only could doubt in the status quo lead to something more beautiful, but the actions that are a result of that doubt can lead to our undoing and our freedom. I haven’t even finished reading it yet but I’m still going to recommend it because it’s better than a 10/10 so far. It’s, Untamed, by Glennon Doyle. Don’t let your fears scare you out of diving deeper into your doubts; that’s the only way to get rid of them (AKA build them into something beautiful). Like a weed, we must tackle doubt at its roots.

Conclusion

Now that you’ve heard about two very different opinions on doubt, you can decide how you feel about it. This was obviously not an unbiased blog post but I did my best to share both sides with others’ opinions and stories to support. I pray that any of you who are currently experiencing doubt would also experience some peace, as well, in Jesus’ name.

Today, I want to leave you with the story of Nicodemus in John 3:1-15. Nicodemus is a pharisee, who genuinely doesn’t understand how Jesus can be God, and, therefore, doubts Jesus as his saviour. He asks Jesus tons of questions, but still isn’t convinced. In verse 12, Jesus eventually asks, “If I have told you earthly things and you do not believe, how can you believe if I tell you heavenly things?” Nicodemus’ response is not recorded. He’s only mentioned two other times and in both times he was a pharisee. However, in John 19:39, Nicodemus brings myrrh and aloes in the night to help wrap Jesus’ body after He had been crucified. It reminds me of a story in Luke 7:36-50 where a sinful woman interrupted dinner and cleaned His feet with her tears and perfume. Keep in mind that, women were required to wear a head covering because hair was considered to be alluring (think about high school uniforms and shoulders). She, then, proceeds to wipe his feet with her hair. Both of these stories involved people who were disliked for very different reasons, one for being too holy and the other too sinful, seeking out Jesus because of doubt about the way their lives were, They wanted change. Both of them even, did something a little scandalous to find it, too. Nicodemus snuck around with the myrrh and aloe at night for a proper burial for Jesus. The woman openly revealed her hair to clean Jesus’ feet. They needed revolution. And Jesus said, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace. (Luke 7:50b)” Jesus isn’t scared of your doubts, nor is He confused by them. He might answer you in unexpected ways. You might not like the answer. So many things could go wrong. But if you need revolution, you must, first, honor your doubts without fear.