Hope for the Christian Girl with Mental Illness

*trigger warning for general discussion about mental illness and for church/religious trauma. If you are concerned that this post could trigger you, please stop reading and catch up on another one of my blog posts. My last two posts in the For the Christian Girl series are about self-sacrifice and doubt. Do whatever you need to do for your mental health. I fully support you no matter what your choice may be.

Medical Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional and, therefore, this article is based off of personal experiences and educational resources with sources. If you are in need of medical help, please go visit your doctor. If you are in a mental health crisis, call your local emergency line or mental health hotline. You can find the links to every country’s most popular numbers, here.

Introduction

Being a Christian and discovering you have a mental illness can be a terrifying thing…but it doesn’t have to be. Growing up, I had no knowledge of mental illness or even that most of my relatives had struggled with some form of it for their whole lives. When I first started feeling depressed, I tried everything that didn’t require me admitting and accepting my depression because I didn’t even know it was a real thing and even if the thought crossed my mind that it were real, I thought that I could not have been depressed because that would make me crazy. The stigma was strong with me. Later, I had my first panic attack during school and my friends knew exactly what was going on because they also struggled with some forms of mental illness, too. I was confused and scared and felt like I was going out of my mind, but mostly, I was anxious and depressed.

Except for a couple of friends, no one else knew about what I was struggling with. I looked up information about mental illness online, trying to figure out what was ‘wrong’ with me and how I could fix it. I tried breathing, exercise, healthy sleeping habits, and everything else I read that would improve my brain. Unfortunately, nothing worked and each new remedy only seemed to bring out a new symptom that I had never experienced before. I was spiraling out of control, having multiple panic attacks for a total of at least two hours every single day. But, I had no idea that it was about to get a whole lot worse.

A Little Bit of My Journey With Mental Illness

My church, at the time, had a youth retreat every spring and fall. They were weekend retreats where you and all of the other kids in youth stay at a camp in some obscure part of Florida and worship Jesus. There was a lot of loud music, healing, speaking in tongues, preaching, community, etc. I had gone to one in middle school before and really loved it. When the opportunity came up again in the fall of my Sophomore year, I went. I didn’t want to miss out on a fun time with friends, even if it would bring a lot of anxiety (at the time, my biggest triggers were crowds, light, noise, and people in general). I ended up having a total of nine panic attacks that each lasted for multiple hours in the span of less than three days. Thankfully, one of my small group leaders had a bachelor’s degree in psychology so she was familiar with what was going on even when I wasn’t. My panic attacks were so severe that weekend that they led to my first experiences of my body going numb, dissociation, and depersonalization (yay). I tried to go to as many services as I could and participate as much as I could, but I was usually laying down on a picnic table outside with 50 new mosquito bites to prove it. Even though it was hard, the one service I remember going to, I ended up praying for a lot of people about things I never could’ve known about except for God speaking through me. Because of that one experience, I felt like the panic attacks were worth it. Shortly after I got home, the small group leader informed my mom about what was going on and I began going to see a therapist and a psychiatrist.

Fast forward to the next spring or fall (I can’t remember the exact timeline), I decide to go to the retreat again. The only difference this time is that my amazingly helpful small group leader from before had just left youth so she wouldn’t be able to help me. Thankfully, I didn’t have as many panic attacks and, unfortunately, there were still a few big ones. The first night we were there, we walked into the makeshift auditorium (it’s kind of half outdoors and also a basketball court). There are flashing lights, music blaring so much that the concrete room was somehow shaking, and people walking in from all sides. I was overwhelmed and almost immediately started having a panic attack. I managed it on my own, but as the day continued, it grew. One of my friends was helping me the best she could but she didn’t have a psychology degree or actually have any idea as to what was going on. I tried to talk as much as I could but my tremor came back and I quickly began sobbing uncontrollably because of the panic. One of the church leaders noticed and walked over. Long story short, I have more recently realized that my panic attack led to me having what some people would consider an exorcism (SURPRISE! it didn’t end with a demon and mostly involved me repeating things about how Satan didn’t have control of me even though I couldn’t really talk because I was sobbing so much). Regardless, of what you think about that story, the whole experience was still extremely traumatic for me. Whether you have a mental illness or know someone who does, this post is for you. I believe that mental illness doesn’t have to be demonized by the church (I know not every church responds to mental illness this way but keep in mind that I am talking about the dominant culture within the church whenever I talk about it) and, right now, our best plan of action to change the way the church views mental illness begins by fighting the stigma surrounding mental health within ourselves and then in others. Today, we’re going to start that process by dismantling five of the most common myths about mental illness.

Mental Health Myths

There are two different kinds of stigma, social stigma (how other people view mental illness) and perceived/self stigma (how an individual with a mental illness views mental illness). Even if you think you already know these, it might be useful to read them anyway to remind yourself of fact and fiction. The five myths we talk about are by no means the only myths. They are just the most common. If you want to learn more about the stats of mental illness in the US, this is a great place to start.

People with mental illness are violent and/or dangerous.

FAUX (false in French)! Only 3-5% (pg 150, Violence and Mental Disorder: Developments in Risk Assessment with JW Swanson) of violent crime in the US is attributed to mental illness. Someone with mental illness is no more likely to behave violently than someone without.

People who have mental illness are ‘crazy’!

This is not true! A mental illness is just like a physical illness in that all people have the ability to have one and it can also be treated with medication because it is sometimes caused by neurotransmitters in your brain (you can see it on a brain scan). Having a physical illness doesn’t make you crazy, so why should mental illness (that physically shows up on your brain!) make you crazy?

Only veterans can have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Nope. I’m not a veteran and I have been professionally diagnosed with C-PTSD. I am literal living proof that this one is wrong.

Seeking treatment for mental illness will only lead to one being cast out of ‘normal’ society.

Meh, it might have been like this in the olden days but times have changed. There are laws and HIPAA to protect anyone seeking treatment. In fact, anyone with a mental illness who decides to get treatment is also helping to reduce the stigma in themselves and the people they tell about just by being honest, accepting themselves, learning more about mental illness from a medical professional, and opening up.

Anyone and everyone with mental illness is just seeking more attention.

Again, FAUX! Not only am I extremely introverted and hate being the center of attention, but this is only a symptom of a handful of mental illnesses and personality disorders. For the most part, if someone has a mental illness, they just want someone–anyone–to understand what they’re going through after the world has seemingly turned its back on them.

Now, that’s what it looks like to karate chop the most common myths of mental illness. No need to thank me!

Mental Illness in the Bible

Upon reading this subtitle, you might be thinking, “But, Kiki, mental illness isn’t in the bible!” That’s where you’re partially wrong. Of course, we can’t be 100% sure because we didn’t live in biblical times, but there’s a pretty substantial argument to be made that Jesus healed people with mental illness, too. Let’s start with a couple of general facts. We know that Jesus healed all kinds of “diseases and afflictions” (Matthew 4:23). Mental illness falls into the “diseases and afflictions” category. And, since they didn’t have the words for mental illness, it can be inferred that people with “hysteria” or even demons would have fallen into the “afflictions” part. Another important truth is that Jesus taught that all of His disciples should love their friends, family, enemies, and strangers as themselves (Galatians 5:14). While this may not specifically be in reference to mental illness, it should be noted that this statement includes everyone, and that means people with mental illnesses, too.

Let’s go through a more specific example of Jesus healing someone that may have actually been mentally ill together (Mark 5:1-13).

“¹ They came to the other side of the sea, to the country of the Gerasenes. ² And when Jesus had stepped out of the boat, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit. ³ He lived among the tombs. And no one could bind him anymore, not even with a chain, ⁴ for he had often been bound with shackles and chains, but he wrenched the chains apart, and he broke the shackles in pieces. No one had the strength to subdue him. ⁵ Night and day among the tombs and on the mountains he was always crying out and cutting himself with stones. ⁶ And when he saw Jesus from afar, he ran and fell down before him. ⁷ And crying out with a loud voice, he said, “What have you to do with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I adjure you by God, do not torment me.” ⁸ For he was saying to him, “Come out of the man, you unclean spirit!” ⁹ And Jesus asked him, “What is your name?” He replied, “My name is Legion, for we are many.” ¹⁰ And he begged him earnestly not to send them out of the country. ¹¹ Now a great herd of pigs was feeding there on the hillside, ¹² and they begged him, saying, “Send us to the pigs; let us enter them.” ¹³ So he gave them permission. And the unclean spirits came out and entered the pigs; and the herd, numbering about two thousand, rushed down the steep bank into the sea and drowned in the sea.”

Before I even begin, I want to say that it is possible this man was just demon-possessed and mental illness had nothing to do with it. However, it’s unlikely. I think it was a mix of both, and for the sake of this argument I want you to keep reading even if you disagree that mental illness was involved. There are three main points I want to talk about.

1. There are multiple symptoms of severe mental illness present. The symptoms are as follows: living among tombs (I’m not really sure of another way to put that, but it’s a fixation on death for sure), crying, screaming, and self harm. There could also be more that weren’t even recorded. We’ll never know that for sure, though.
2. The pigs: this section literally reads like something out of a horror movie (well, that’s because it is oddly similar to The Ring). While this part of the story means that it’s likely there was some demonic element present, it doesn’t mean mental illness wasn’t (and that in itself could be heavily influenced by the demonic element as well).
3. Again, the language and vocabulary for mental illness did not exist. Therefore, it makes perfect sense that it wouldn’t be explicitly mentioned in the bible. This isn’t something that only applies to mental illness. We can see it time and time again with other groups of people commonly discriminated against, prejudiced, and/or stigmatized before they had the words to express themselves.

Mental Illness in the Church

I have a theory that bible stories like the one above may influence how the church responds today. Here’s why. One of the biggest misconceptions about the bible is that it can speak to every single circumstance, situation, and problem we could ever have. However, smart phones aren’t in the bible. Does that mean we should live trapped in a time period thousands of years ago without technology? No, because we can use the verses, parables, wisdom, and other information in the bible to infer what we should do in a given situation based on a similar instance. Of course, there’s never going to be something in the bible that’s similar to modern technology and that’s where things get a little bit muddy. Think about it. There are different beliefs about why kids should or shouldn’t have smart phones between Christians. While this example isn’t particularly important, everything changes when we consider other topics like mental illness. Some Christians reach a conclusion that all mental illness is a result of demonic influence. While others rely a little bit more on science, but are still skeptical on whether or not all people with mental illness are just faking it or seeking attention (even a little bit of skepticism like this can lead to bigger stigma).

If you don’t take away anything else from this post, I want you to hear me out on this: the bible is not a replacement for God. It can be easy to so strongly associate the two that we either 1. don’t open the bible to run away from God or 2. get so lost in it’s pages that we can’t find the God in them. But, God is not limited by the pages of the bible. He is still very much alive and present in the world. In the Old Testament, many Christians, myself included, are absolutely horrified by some of the discrimination, blatant inequality, and war that God seems to be so quick to support. The most recent story I read like this was Numbers 12. Let’s rewind from Jesus casting out demons all the way to Moses and the Israelites wandering in the desert. His brother, Aaron, and sister, Miriam, were upset that he had not married a Hebrew woman. So, they complain to each other about how God never speaks through them (because this is an obvious transition). God takes notice and instructs the three siblings to meet. He’s angry and makes a clever remark about how Moses talks with Him face to face and everyone else talks to God in visions and dreams. Yet, it’s Moses they feel they have the right to complain about (siblings much?). When God left them, Miriam became leprous and her skin immediately turned white as snow. On the other hand, it isn’t even mentioned that Aaron had leprosy. No! He just looks over at his sister and cried out to the Lord. Moses even asks God to heal her and He says, “If her father had but spit in her face, should she not be shamed seven days? Let her be shut outside the camp seven days, and after that she may be brought in again.” Shortly before this passage, there are even laws judging how much a human being is worth (price-wise) depending on sex and age. Spoiler alert: a woman is always worth far less than a man. We really seemed to have drawn the short straw in these passages.

These aren’t even the worst stories. They’re just the ones I read the most recently. The reason why we see this is as unjust, today, (and why Jesus saw it as unjust in His time) is because the Israelites held a different standard of justice than we do. Surprisingly enough, the laws of the Old Testament were actually extremely progressive for its time much like the actions of Jesus were in His. As humans continue to change and grow over time, we begin to to notice injustices and provide justice where there is none and new ways to live with love. As we learn more and more about humanity and what equality, love, and justice look like, we respond by changing the way we act to align closer to the equality, love, and justice of Jesus. By striving to be more like Jesus in this very moment, we are doing what God wants us to and what the bible can never do for us: live abundantly! If we want to know how the church should truly respond to mental illness or anything else, all we need to do is ask this, “Does this action/choice express God’s love in order to live abundantly like Jesus or repress God’s love? If you still aren’t sure, make a checklist with the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22+23) and check off all the ones an action/choice produces. If it doesn’t produce all of them, it’s not of God.

How to Fight Mental Health Stigma in the Church

If you’re a Christian with mental illness,

do not give up hope, for yourself and for the church. God created you to live beautifully and resiliently. I’ve noticed that a lot of times mental illness is a sign of our brains being overly strong and over correcting itself. In other words, mental illness doesn’t make you weak, wrong, or crazy. Sometimes, it helps to reach this conclusion by giving your mental illness a human name because you are not defined by your mental health. For example, if someone is struggling with depression, they might name it Dana. The next time they experience a symptom of their depression. They might think to themselves, “Oh, come on Dana. I know that’s how you feel, but I need to think about what will be best for me. Thanks, but no thanks.” This way they are able to put Dana in the corner, rather than letting their depression overwhelm them and completely take over. It may not be able to prevent everything but it can definitely help your mental illness become more manageable.

By now, you probably know that the church isn’t perfect. It’s not going to be, but there are some churches that are definitely better than others. If you have a bad experience, don’t be afraid to try out a new church. If you feel really locked into a specific church, I give you my official permission to leave and find a new one (not that you really need it, though). Remember, church is not about a specific place or denomination; it is about a group of people meeting to lift each other up through prayer, worship, and God’s word and keep each other accountable in our relationships with God. There is a place for you to thrive. There is space for you to feel abundantly alive.

Additionally, If you aren’t already seeking some sort of treatment, please find a therapist, group therapy session, or psychiatrist to get some (if you can afford to). If you can’t afford treatment and are still in high school or college, you can set up sessions with your school’s guidance counselor or student services department. There are also affordable options available online to check out as well.

A great place to start your search is Psychology Today as you can filter by location, insurance, gender, and specialty.

If you want to talk to a community of people or trained listener for free, check out 7Cups below.

Lastly, don’t forget to support your other brothers, sisters, and siblings in Christ with mental illness. I’m not saying that you should carry another person’s mental illness. No, on the contrary, build community together and help each other give your mental illnesses to God. To emphasize, this is not because He will magically heal you but because the weight of carrying a mental illness alone can make the symptoms feel a gazillion times worse. God, however, is made to carry even our heaviest traumas, stresses, burdens, and illness. We are not.

If you have friends or family members with a mental illness,

above all else, show God’s love. Listen when those loved ones need you to. Often times, the best thing you can be is a shoulder to cry on. No one expects you to solve their own problems. Bring them a glass of water if they have a panic attack. Do research on your loved ones specific condition so you can have a little more understanding for what they’re experiencing on a day-to-day basis (please don’t go overboard, that could get creepy but in general there’s always something else to learn). I’d highly recommend you start by reading two of my blog posts, Five Things Not to Say to Someone with a Mental Illness and If a Loved One Opens Up About Their Mental Illness. These will help keep you from causing some major, unnecessary damage in your relationships.

If your loved one, expresses to you that they don’t feel comfortable as themselves at church. Gently offer to help them look for a new one where they can be 100% free. For a lot of us, that alone can be extremely healing.

Lastly, if you’re particularly close to this person, it can be really easy to want to swoop in and save them from all the pain they’re experiencing. I am telling you from experience that this usually (almost always) does not end well. If you think this is something you’re struggling with or might in the future, visit my free resource library to download A Simple Guide to Healthy Boundaries (head on over to the Resources for Christians with Mental Illnesses section to subscribe and get the password for the library).

If you don’t know anyone with a mental illness,

you probably will at some point. Until then, keep on learning about mental illness to support awareness efforts by not contributing to the stigma. Allies are still a huge part of fighting the stigma within the church. Stand up if you see something discriminatory or stigmatized happen towards a person with mental illness. Offer a helping hand, if they need it.

If you’re a church staff member or major volunteer,

consider becoming Mental Health First Aid Certified. I personally hold this certification and it’s a great way to become more educated in how to respond on the spot to mental health crises! The only potential issue is that some of the exercises might portray certain mental illnesses or symptoms in a stigmatized way (unfortunate and ironic) depending on your instructor. So, just keep that an open mind.

Resources for Christians with Mental Illnesses

• A Really Relatable Article on the Mighty from a Christian with mental illness
• Grace Alliance – an organization with groups all over the country and on a couple of other continents; this one also has a really cool workbook to complete
• Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman – a 365 day devotional for people enduring suffering; filled with bible verses, beautiful poetry, and encouraging words
• Fresh Hope – another organization that provides Christians with mental illnesses with community that understands them (they have groups in every state and are currently running online only groups); they also have a blog and a podcast
• NF Music – whenever I’m feeling really depressed, I love listening to NF because while he is very obvious about the burden of mental illness, he also makes it a point to focus on God
• Free Monthly Symptom Trackers for Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD – just subscribe below and click the link once you get your welcome email with the resource library password (and yes, there are a ton of other encouraging resources!)

Let’s be friends!

Seriously, hon. You should subscribe. You’ll get access to my monthly newsletter and all of the digital downloads located in my free resource library! If that’s not enough for you, then, I offer you a safe place to be yourself. You and your beautiful, messy mind are welcome here!

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Conclusion

You alone are a powerful force to be reckoned with, but God is a tsunami of unending love and strength. He will guide you in the ways to live with mental illness and fight its associated stigma within the church. Ask and you will receive. Doubt the stigma and you will begin to revolt in the most beautiful, most true way. Hon, listen up here. God loves you in the most fiercely devoted way–one without the expectation of perfection or stigma. He can even show you how to do the same for yourself. Let go of your un-hope and live in the freedom of Jesus Christ. Yeah, there will be hard days, but even God was tortured and crucified before He could live (again). Don’t let rock bottom be your breaking point; it’s the perfect time for you to begin again.